My Internal Critic & Tonight’s Writing Goal

See previous post. I have a kick-my-ass, soul crushingly strong internal critic that turns writing into hard work that’s not nearly as fun as it should be. Therefore I spend a lot of time procrastinating when I should be working writing.

What that all means is that I have about 4,200 words I need to write tonight and I haven’t even started. It’s 7:55 pm. It’d be no problem if I was one of those writers who could sit down and pound out 2,000 words an hour (or even 1,000 words an hour). I don’t begrudge them their abilities, but I do wish I could figure out why I have so much—nevermind, I think I answered that in the second sentence of this post. :o The internal critic makes me second guess everything I put down, and also pushes me to seek perfection (when we all know perfection doesn’t exist). Sigh. Downer moment here: Sometimes it just really feels like such a hopeless battle fighting perfectionism. Ah well. Moving on.

However long it takes me tonight, I’m going to have to get these words out. Maybe this will be the night I kick perfectionism’s butt and start pounding out my own 2,000 words an hour. Wouldn’t that be nice?

On that note, I think I’m going to have to pick up the planning posts again. As soon as I stopped with the planning posts suddenly writing started to get hard again, and that was after me reaching some really great word counts. So those planning posts might be coming back, if not here, then at least in Evernote. :)

Holy crap. I dropped in at one forum, wrote two posts, and bam, it’s 9:34 pm now and I still have this post sitting here waiting on me. @o_o@ Those are my fists raised in aggravation.

Time to get to work. I really do have to write those 4,200 words tonight, unfortunately, even if it means I don’t go to bed until … tomorrow. Ouch. Really wish I had some regular coffee in the house. :o

Finished Reading Another Book—14 of 60

I’m sure there’s some literature out there somewhere that explains why we engage in self-sabotage. I’m not that interested in reading it right now. I just know I’m probably doing some of that engaging at the moment and I’m annoyed with myself.

On that note, today, when I should have been writing my fingers to the bone because… deadline! I was instead reading another book of fiction. I should’ve been writing. Yes indeedy.

The Scandalous, Dissolute, No-Good Mr. Wright - Tessa Dare

But I really did enjoy the book so there’s that. If I’m going to procrastinate, as least I enjoyed myself while doing it. My usual routine is to sit and wallow in the guilt that comes with avoiding doing what most needs to be done. So… yay? :S

I read The Scandalous, Dissolute, No-Good Mr. Wright by Tessa Dare. It’s the first book I’ve read by this author, and I picked it up after starting Romancing the Duke, getting 23% in and realizing it was a longer book, and I wanted something shorter, novella length, and my Kindle sure does know how to tempt me with those little “Customers Also Bought” thumbnails at the bottom of the screen. :) Don’t get me wrong, so far Romancing the Duke is excellent, but I just don’t have time right now for a full length novel.

So it was another book that wasn’t part of my backlog and now Romancing the Duke is sitting in my backlog along with a bundle my Kindle recommended to me, Seven Wicked Nights. Sigh. I will never, ever catch up all my reading.

I kind of like that idea. ;)

NOTE: I decided to make an effort to read more books this year. And since I have so many unread books, I set a goal to read at least 60 of the books in my backlog by the end of the year. I’m even keeping a log. :)