Clarification: After putting a new post up where I talk about writing Novel #6, I skimmed my posts and came across this. This IS Novel #6, but that’s if you count one of the titles that I specifically exclude from the count in the newer post. So, to make this easier, let’s just say this is really Novel #5.
I’m thinking about writing up a series of posts about my books. Since I can’t give away anything about the book itself because it might lead to questions about my pseudonyms or genres I write in (which might also give away my pseudonyms) I’m just going to number the books and stories with a simple numbering system.
If you look to the sidebar, you’ll see I have “Accomplishments” listed and I have the numbers of published books and stories I’ve done to date. (This is on the Progress page now.)
I’m currently writing novel #6. Now, the problem is that I got all the way to the end and then just hit a wall. I love the book. But I’m tired of the book. I want it to be done. I have a couple of thousand words left on it, tops, and I have spent the last week and a half working insanely hard to avoid writing those couple thousand words. (DONE! Yea, yea, yea!)
Novel 6 is a good story. I have a little tiny bit of fear related to the story that might be part of the problem but I find it hard to believe that’s the real issue because I’ve had that fear before. I still published my other books.
I’ve also realized perfectionism is messing with my head, but not about the things you might think. No book is ever going to be perfect, and I know that, but I don’t care. Me, writing on a perfect schedule, every day, hitting the goals I set for myself? That’s the problem. I keep searching for answers, and as a friend told me, I seem to be hoping to find someone who can tell me what the perfect system is, the perfect schedule. I’m looking for the best, most efficient way to work, and that search is doing me a whole lot more harm than good.
How that all relates to the writing of novel 6?
I reached my ideal of 1000 words an hour writing 2 days before I hit the wall. I hated it, hated the pressure and the rush, and the absolute certainty that I could do it but that I didn’t want to do it. So now I know that I write at about 600 words an hour because I want to, not because I can’t write faster.
I realized the next day I didn’t want to write. The thought of putting myself into a chair and trying to write 1000 an hour was too much work, felt too hard, too intense. I don’t like that kind of intensity. So now, even though I’ve given myself permission to forego that push for 1000 words an hour for the time being, I still don’t want to write. I stole all my joy and made myself think of writing as work, and I haven’t yet been able to let that thought go.
When I do, I’m sure I’ll be back at it, writing the couple thousand words I need to finish novel 6.
Until then, I’m going to make lunch and trim my fingernails. It’s a ritual. As long as my nails touch the keyboard, I can’t concentrate on anything else. Since I haven’t been able to stop thinking about my nails since I started typing, I know it’s time. :)