Self-sabotage has been the rule of the day

Could it be that I’m suffering sugar withdrawal? Is that a thing? A real thing, at any rate, and not just something in my head? Because I’m definitely feeling out of sorts today. Maybe it’s just panic because I still can’t seem to make myself do any real work on my books.

I’ve written 372 words today, which I got in 39 minutes, so it’s not like I’m incapable of writing at a somewhat normal speed at the moment. But my brain feels sluggish, my thoughts scattered, and my ability to concentrate and focus is nonexistent. I thought I was going to die before that first 50 minutes was up! In the end, I couldn’t hold out. I had to get away from the computer, so I cut the session short at 39 minutes. And that was that. I haven’t been able to get back to it and here it is 5:14 pm.

I know something’s wrong because here’s what I’ve done today: I added all my email accounts to Thunderbird as POP3 accounts. I deleted the IMAP accounts. Then I added all my accounts as IMAP accounts, and followed that up by copying all my email into folders and deleting the POP3 accounts. Then I changed my mind, started to delete the IMAP accounts and replace them with POP3 accounts but stopped partially through that because I realized I had no idea what I wanted.

What I really wanted, I think, is to not think about the fact that I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing.