Self-sabotage or anxiety, can’t decide

I kind of hate the holidays. I can’t decide if I’m self-sabotaging by not writing or just not dealing well with the anxiety of shopping left undone.

Yeah, you got that right. I still haven’t finished shopping. I’m not even close to being done, and I don’t want to go tonight, and I don’t want to do it tomorrow because I want to write, but that was also what I told myself today, and yet here I am, having not written anything!

I did go on a Star Wars spoiler binge, but only because I need to decide if I’m going to watch it now or after the last movie in this set (trilogy?) comes out. I think I’ve decided. Later. I hate cliffhangers and it sounds as if a lot of stuff is left up in the air at the end of the The Force Awakens. I’d rather just save it and savor them all at once. Plus, if it gets screwed up somewhere in the middle, I don’t have to watch at all.

Anyway, I’m going to have to try to write something, because if I don’t… today will have been a major waste. I’ve really done nothing of note except talk on the telephone for about three hours. Ugh.

I really don’t understand why I’m having such a hard time getting started again, unless it’s just the change in routine caused by the holidays throwing me off. That could be it.

I wish… no, I don’t wish. I’m just going to have to deal with this. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be writing right now.