I try really hard not to push my beliefs at other people, but today I came really close to sharing something on Google+ that would have made some of my beliefs very obvious to the world. Since I have so many family members and friends who absolutely don’t share many of my beliefs, I didn’t. But it’s made me wonder just how much of myself I hide from others, even those who are closest to me. Why is it so difficult to be myself and not feel apologetic for who I am? Why can’t I just say, hey this is what I think and if you don’t agree, that’s okay, because I’ll still love you? And as I’m typing this, I think I just asked the wrong question. Why can’t I say, hey this is what I think and if you don’t agree, that’s okay, I know you’ll still love me? But the answer to that scares me. I think I’m afraid that while I’m the type of person to understand and love people who believe differently than me, I’m not convinced that most people are the same. And there’s two ways that can go. My loved ones will be hurt that I didn’t believe in them, or I’ll be proved true. I can’t win this one. So I don’t play.
It’s apparent after typing this that I don’t believe love is unconditional.
Now I’m sad. I think I just broke my own heart.
It’s also obvious that I need to meet more people in real life who think more like me.
In the world of my books, I’m free to write what I want, and I think that’s what I’ll go do now.