I said yesterday that I’m trying to start a summer routine, but nope, it really didn’t work. I ended up writing in scattered sessions throughout the day, and just one day of feeling like I was supposed to write on schedule was enough to make me rethink the idea of an artificially constructed routine.
I did manage 4.5 hours of writing, but did none of the other stuff I’d hoped to also do yesterday. And honestly, 4.5 is not 5. My goal is 5 hours and 3,933 words minimum. So I’m happy I did what I did, but I’m sad that I keep falling short of what I want.
I’m really tired of disappointing myself time and again, but I don’t think a schedule is going to get me into a routine (and that plan yesterday really was mostly a schedule).
The problem is that if I don’t find a way to get into a nice routine, I’m going to end up never doing anything but writing—even though I won’t actually be writing that much, because I never do!
In other words, when I put too much focus on meeting a writing goal, I hesitate to do anything other than writing, afraid I’ll set off my obsessive tendencies and not meet my writing goals at all because I’m too busy being obsessed with something else. So although yesterday would have been a good day to finalize the cover for the pen name book, I didn’t, because I was afraid I would become obsessed with that and spend all day doing cover tweaks instead of writing. Because, to be honest, I’ve done it enough times to know that’s exactly what’s likely to happen.
I really need to figure out how to split all this up into a work day that makes good use of my time and doesn’t make me feel like I’m wearing a straitjacket.